Memories and Voices
by The Wiccan Warrior
Summary: A more internal look into what Jack was thinking and feeling through out his adventures to becoming a guardian, and everyone's reaction when they find out.


_What if I don't even exist? What if I just think I control all of these things, but I don't? That would explain why everyone just walks right through me._

Jack had been having these thoughts roaming around in his head for near on a century. Sometimes he would get into slumps when he openly believed them. During these times, light winters happened, because Jack would hide himself from the world.

Most times he would push those thoughts into the back of his head and do what he did best, create snow days for the children of the world and remind them to have fun.

However, those thoughts were always there, just above the surface of his subconscious.

When Jack had been dragged to the North Pole, and Bunny had told him he didn't exist, it had brought those thoughts to the fore front of his mind.

He tried not to show how the other had hurt him, but he was sure something had slipped through his mask.

When Tooth had promised him he would have his memories as soon as they recovered them from Pitch, he was overjoyed.

Because, after all, you had to have existed in order to have memories.

_VVV_VVV_VVV_

_It's your fault he died. You weren't fast enough. You weren't strong enough, and now he's paid the price for that._

Sandy's death shook Jack. Of all the Guardians, Sandy was the one that had shone the least opposition to him when he joined.

And then he had started to make Jack feel like he belonged.

Now he felt like a stranger again, that is, until North extended his hand, and pulled Jack up.

_Easter. Easter can fix. They believe it, and I can too._

And so Jack through his lot in with them.

During that time frame, however short it was, Jack got to experience the things he always wanted. To have his opinions and comments heard, to hear someone laugh at his jokes, to feel valued.

Even with Sandy's death, Jack was finding a home amongst the guardians, and they in turn, found that this frosty teen, that they were so nervous about letting get close, was actually bringing them together and taking them from being a team, to being a family.

_VVV_VVV_VVV_

_They don't really trust you. They don't care for you. Once this is all over they're going to leave you behind and you'll be all alone again._

That traitorous voice in the back of Jack's head just would not quit. Jack pushed these thoughts away as well, only to have Pitch bring them back to him as he tricked Jack into leaving the little fairy and then shoving him out with his teeth in hand.

Jack was panicked as he reached the surface, just in time to see the little girl walk right through Bunny. He winced, knowing exactly what he was going through.

Once again, it was Bunny's words that stung him the most. From Jack's perspective, it was like the older guardian could read his thoughts, and knew exactly what would hurt him the most.

"We never should have trusted you."

Jack felt like crying. He felt like screaming. He felt like begging for them to hear his side, to understand. He felt all of this at the same time.

_It is your fault. You should have been there. You're to blame. Bunny is right, you shouldn't be trusted. It would be better for you to go, and never come back._

Jack stopped at that thought, and for the first time, he listened to the voice.

It was right.

He was a screw up, if not for him, Easter would have gone off without a hitch. The world would be better off if he didn't come back.

He reached inside his pocket, and pulled out a small wooden doll.

There may be more to the rest of them, but Jack didn't have a center. Jack only felt hollow inside.

_VVV_VVV_VVV_

Jack let the winds carry him away. His only instruction had been "As far away as possible from everyone.

He found himself on a cliff in Antarctica.

Jack was looking down at the little box of memories, the thing he had been looking for, the thing that would validate his existence.

Now it only brought him shame.

Suddenly, he grew angry. So very angry, and he just wanted something around to destroy.

At first it was going to be the golden box, but some part of him that didn't want to let this go wouldn't let him.

Then Pitch showed up.

_VVV_VVV_VVV_

_If it hadn't been for Pitch, then none of this would have happened._

Jack threw all of his rage at Pitch, while Pitch just countered it all with a sweep of his arm.

Once he was done, Pitch strode over to him, and turned his attention to the spire of iced nightmare sand that they had created together.

But even if they could work well together, Jack refused the notion.

This was the man responsible for causing his new friends pain. This was the man that had turned those friends against him.

He wanted nothing to do with him. That is, until Pitch drew out the Ace up his sleeve, or rather, the fairy.

There was no other option in Jack's mind.

She would not pay the price for him. Not like Sandy had.

_VVV_VVV_VVV_

The breaking of the staff in and of itself made him feel broken, more broken than he thought he already felt.

_I can't ever do anything right. No matter how hard I try, I just can't make it work._

There was no other voice this time as his little fairy friend hid in his hoodie's pocket to assumedly get warm.

All of the children were going to stop believing in the guardians and start believing in fear and fear alone.

And he couldn't even warm a single fairy.

That's when he was sucked into his memories.

That's when he remembered who he was, who he could be again.

He pushed away everything. It was time to get out of this frozen tundra, and back to the fight.

It was time he became a guardian.

_VVV_VVV_VVV_

Bunny, North, Tooth, and Sandy could only sit back in amazement as they watched everything that happened on the screen.

They had all agreed that watching each others' memories would be a great way to get to know each other better.

Tooth had suggested the idea, and had revealed that there was a hidden vault inside her palace for every immortal being's memories.

After all, immortals live much much longer, and they often needed to be reminded of things over the course of their lives.

They had made only two rules. You couldn't be present when your memories were being played, and you could not use what you had seen to make fun of that person.

It saved everyone from being embarrassed should the rest of the group see some baby memories or something.

They chose to watch the time frame of when Jack joined them, each curious as to his reaction to them.

Now each felt horrible, none more so than Bunny though.

Each of them reflected on how they had all but ignored his existence, only ever noticing him when he was up to no good.

Now they could see that they were just cries for help, for some attention, for an escape from his own mind, if his thoughts were any indication.

And Bunny had been the worst of them. He had been against the boy from the beginning. He knew he had said some things that had been a bit below the belt, but he didn't think about the effect his words had on the kid.

When that little girl had walked through him like he wasn't even there, he was in shock, and he took it out on Jack.

It wasn't until much later that he had thought about it, and realized that that horrible feeling of not being believed in, was how Jack must have felt for three centuries.

Bunny needed to apologize.

They all did.

They left the room to see Jack lying on the couch like a lazy teen with no care in the world.

20 minutes ago they might have believed that, but no longer.

Jack got up and grinned at them, "Well, what did ya think? You didn't watch anything super embarrassing did you?"

Bunny approached Jack, and without saying a word, pulled him into his arms and gave him a hug.

"If you ever need a place to stay, you can come to my Warren anytime. I'm sorry for everything I ever said to you." Bunny mumbled to the boy before letting go so that the other guardians could hug the teen.

Jack looked up at Bunny for the longest time, and Bunny could swear he saw the glimmer of realization dawn on him as to which memories they had seen, but he made no other outward appearance that he had any knowledge of what they were talking about.

"Okay, okay, love you guys too. Well, mine was the last one, what say we cut out of here and go get something to eat?" Jack said as he finished patting a teary eyed Tooth on the back.

Everyone was quick to agree, ready to forget the unpleasant realization that their friend, the always cheerful and self assured Jack, was anything but.

But Bunny made a mental note to not let this go.

Afterall, they couldn't use what they had seen to make fun of Jack, but Bunny could use it to help Jack.

And with that thought Bunny followed the rest out of the vault.

_VVV_VVV_VVV_

So here is my piece. This is not the first fic I have ever made, nor is it the first I am uploading to this site, but it is the first for this account.

Critiquing is welcome and encouraged. I like to improve my writing style.

Thank you for reading and have a nice day.


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